My mornings I wake up and think of you.
I could move on but I’m not sure whether or not I want to.
I’m frozen. Stuck between looking at my options and figuring out my truth. I know that’s what this time is for; fully, deeply connecting to ourselves and our wants. And yes, I definitely had my doubts. But I’m not sure if those doubts would ever go away without trying again, this time near one another. And I think that’s where I find it the most difficult.
I know I’m curious about a lot of things. When we first started dating, that was a concern of mine, that I would be losing the opportunity to explore myself and my desires. Now I’m being given that opportunity again, and if I go back to my mindset in those beginning days, I should be thankful for this time. I know that. But it’s one thing to know that and another thing to be in a state of communal lockdown with the inability to branch beyond. My mindset has shifted a bit also. And of course that should be expected considering we were tied together for over two years. It’s hard to bounce back from one thought pattern to another so quickly when it’s been engrained in your mind for that lengthy period of time.
While my thoughts are torn, I think about the wonderful support system I have and smile. It warms my heart to know I have beautiful people around me who show their love and care.
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