Resisting the Signs

Yesterday was a pretty emotionally draining day and today it’s taking a physical toll on my body. I can feel myself yearning for rest while my mind tells me there’s no time.

I think about my mother who for the last 10 or some odd years has been what I believe to be resisting her universal signs. After working in the hair industry for basically the entirety of my existence, my mother has always wanted to spread her beautiful wings and venture out on her own. To my dismay, with each year that passed, the dream only grew stronger while the road became much more tumultuous. What felt like a constant slashing, my mother was fired, harassed, saw businesses close, experienced positions being eliminated, all the while having her passion smothered and spirits crushed. In a never ending journey toward what feels like a mental breakdown, she continues to fight for minimum wage, unappealing work conditions and extensive hours. For a woman in her 50’s, it’s tiring, belittling, unsettling and feeling like an unwanted and unwarranted trend.

While she’s driven by her work and her desire to bring beauty into the lives of others, it appears those dreams are shattered on the regular. But she stays resilient. She’s one of the strongest women I know, facing challenge after challenge, feeling what she’s absolutely justified to feel and then dusting off her shoulders and trekking on. 

The fear of her personal venture has always been a limitation and after doing some research and crunching the numbers, it’s definitely not impossible to open up her own doors. But the thought of failing and not knowing what will come almost always leaves us all in a state of paralysis.

This time could be different. This time the world has pushed to the point where the signs (to me) couldn’t be more clear. And although I’ve shared this in the past, this journey isn’t my own; it’s one that I support and encourage but the decision is my mother’s to make. I pray she takes that leap of faith and does what I know in my heart of hearts she is capable of. I put faith in my mother and in her next chapter, knowing that regardless of the outcome she strengthened her confidence, illustrated courage and quieted that fear just long enough to take the plunge. And I’ll be by her side every step of the way.