This past Saturday my honey and I came to Colorado for 3 weeks of work, leisure and love. While traveling during a global pandemic made me a tad uneasy, the thought of spending time with someone I deeply care for was the icing on the cake.
Here I come!
As I made my way to the picturesque land, my mind felt clear. I was ready to take on my next adventure.
But just as quickly as those positive thoughts came in, one moment of miscommunication brought with it a slew of negative thoughts. Our first conversation after I stepped down on Colorado soil was muddled by my Uber driver's voice, amplified by two hungry stomachs and felt more heavily due to our two months apart.
When I hung up the phone, immediately the inner workings of my mind shouted: Is this a good idea? Why am I coming here for three weeks? We haven’t even seen one another and we are already arguing... is this our relationship?
As my drive into town came to an end, and we separately grabbed some food to eat, we chose to meet up at a park nearby.
I lugged my belongings through the Denver streets and reminded myself of a few important things; clues I'd say that I’ve learned along the way that could bring solace to me in this moment:
We both get cranky when our blood sugar drops
Miscommunication does not equate to a lack of love
It's been >2 months since we were in the same state
After a few deep breaths and moments to process, I was now on the outskirts of the park.
I peered left and then right, searching, until just ahead I noticed a tall man in green. The moment? The moment we saw each other? Well, you see, that moment was enough for each of those negative thoughts to fade. Watching as he ran to hug me, to help me, to be by my side; it brought calmness. It brought happiness.
_________________
That my friends, is the ego. What a killer it can be! A killer of love, a killer of life, a killer of joy and self-worth!
In the last week alone, my ego has affected me twice, and while I’ve spent some time opening up and educating myself further on the topic, I still have a long way to go.
What I have come to know is this:
The mind is in a constant state of what some call 'dysfunction' or 'delusion'. I've learned this through my current reading, 'A New Earth: Awakening to Your life's Purpose' written by Eckhart Tolle. (Shout out to my best friend, Jenny, for sharing this light in my life).
As Eckhart so eloquently states, "Fear, greed and the desire for power are the psychological motivating forces not only behind warfare and violence between nations, tribes, religions and ideologies, but also the cause of incessant conflict in personal relationships. They bring about a distortion in your perception of other people and yourself. Through them, you misinterpret every situation, leading to misguided action designed to rid you of fear and satisfy your need for more, a bottomless hole that can never be filled." i pay homage to those words that resonate so closely to my current experiences. And while today I may struggle with my immediate reactions or responses, the realization alone that those thoughts are separate from me is pretty astounding. The more that I work to separate self from dysfunction and instead find stillness, the more awakened I become. We are not our thoughts, and even if it feels that what we experience is in fact ‘true’, that truth is based solely within that same realm of delusion; 'a desire to strengthen one's conceptual identity, one's self-image.'
Let’s learn to quiet the mind. Let’s learn to find love within. Let's bring kindness and strength to our world and to those around us.
Tolle, Eckhart. (2006). A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. First Plume Printing.
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